BISY
BACKSON
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BACKSON
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Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Dude, where's my country?
I was going to begin writing about Asperger's Syndrome today, but something else has been on my mind and my conscience will not rest until I get it out. People who know me know that I am a news junkie with very strong opinions. These opinions are not always popular (and I think I might have lost some Facebook friends over them) but if I don't put my two cents in here, I won't be able to rest.
American politics have always been crazy, and this election year is no different. Ridiculous amounts of money are being spent to produce slick advertising campaigns while politicians from the left and the right accuse one another of various wrongdoings and drag each other through the mud. Both sides claim to speak for the American people and to have our best interests at heart yet they don't seem to actually listen to us. What's bothering me now is how the divisiveness and vitriol have been increasing exponentially. Rather than setting an example for constituents, many politicians seem to be stirring the shit because they know it will bring them more votes in November. The worst tactic by far is Lee Atwater's "Southern strategy", in which the subconscious fears of white voters are exploited for political gain (Willie Horton, anyone?). Before he died, Mr. Atwater expressed deep regret over having used this strategy because of the divisiveness and negativity caused by it. But what's done is done, and as long as people harbor fear and prejudice, the Southern strategy will work, again and again.
The first deployment of this tactic this season came with Arizona's SB1070. Yes, illegal immigration is a huge problem. Yes, Mexican drug cartels are ruthless and violent, and should be stopped (though really, have you ever met a drug cartel from any place that wasn't violent?). But is it really as bad as they're saying it is? Governor Brewer alluded to headless bodies being found in the desert, while Senators Kyl and McCain echoed her assertion that Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital of the world. "Illegals" are said to be coming to the US in droves to take advantage of medical benefits and food stamps while they steal our jobs and drop anchor baby after anchor baby. Except they're not. Statistics from the FBI and the Arizona Department of Public Safety show crime in every category decreasing steadily for the last five years. Journalists contacted every department of law enforcement in Arizona that they could find but were unable to substantiate the governor's claim that headless bodies were being found in the Arizona desert on a regular basis (or even just one, really). As for Phoenix being the "number two kidnapping capital of the world", Politifact couldn't find anyone to validate this, though they did speak to a kidnapping expert who stated that kidnapping numbers were highest in Mexico, The Phillippines, Nigeria, Honduras, and Venezuela. And according to the Census Bureau, illegal immigrants tend to have babies after they've been here a few years, with birth rates similar to citizens. As a social worker, I can tell you personally that illegal immigrants do not have access to Medicaid, food stamps, or TANF (formerly AFDC) as Health and Human Services checks citizenship as part of their intake process (indeed, even legal immigrants are often denied benefits if they haven't been here very long, plus US Citizenship and Immigration Services makes their sponsor fill out an affidavit proclaiming financial responsibility for said legal immigrant, including a promise to pay back the government any benefits the immigrant does manage to get). As for jobs, illegal immigrants pretty much take jobs we don't want. Think about it-when was the last time a computer programmer or a nurse lost their job to an "illegal"? Even then, they are lucky if they get paid. If you don't believe me, talk to a volunteer or a member of the clergy who works with Interfaith Worker Justice. It happens all the time.
You would think the facts would be enough to quell the hysteria, but it's not, especially when politicians keep spouting out untruths and rhetoric. I've worked with a lot of illegal immigrants; most of them are just here for work because the situation in their homeland is so desperate. Wouldn't you do whatever it took to feed your kids? I'd like to mention a special subset of this population that hasn't gotten too much mention, and that's women and children who are living in a domestic violence situation. After undergrad, I took a job in a shelter for battered women and children. A lot of our clients were in the U.S. illegally, and not always by choice. There's enough awareness around domestic violence that you probably know that it cuts across all racial and socioeconomic classes. You also probably know that batterers try to separate their victim from her family and friends so that they can better control her. That's exactly what had happened to these women; they had either come here willingly because their partner promised things would be better once they moved somewhere different (another common line heard by batterers), or the women had been brought here against their will. Their batterer then used their illegal status as yet another method of control: "if you call the cops they'll send you back and I'll get the kids" or "if you don't do what I say, I'll report you to immigration". Their batterers would also tell them that the police would arrest them too (and thanks to language barriers and improperly trained law enforcement, that sometimes happened). You can imagine the various ways their status was used to control them, along with the other methods of control and abuse batterers use on their victims. I knew many, many women (both illegal and citizens) who were beaten severely when they were caught using birth control to avoid having children with their batterer (so much for the anchor baby).
I could go on here about the myriad of ways illegal women face exploitation and abuse from their partners and in the workplace, but I think you get the idea. I refuse to include these women and children, or any honest illegal immigrant in the same category as Mexican drug cartels. Yes, we need a solution to illegal immigration, but the answer does not lie in demonizing innocent people who are just trying to make a better life. I know, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone that is here illegally and gets thousands of dollars in food stamps or whatever. I will admit there are always exceptions, but I would also like to invite you to consider that the story you heard about your friend of a friend might be exaggerated of erroneous after going though so many people. I would also invite you to consider that the time and money it takes to legally immigrate (one example would be my husband-he came here on a fiance visa and all in all, it took two years and thousands of dollars to accomplish) are irrelevant when you are starving and desperate. Police have already predicted that SB1070 will make their jobs more difficult, not just because they will be required to do immigration's job, but because any cooperation they may have gotten from illegal immigrants in solving crimes will all but disappear. I know this: the people who will suffer the most are immigrant women and children living in domestic violence. They were already scared to call for help; now they really won't reach out. Their blood is on Governor Brewer's hands, and everyone else who worked to pass SB1070.
"Illegals" aren't the only victims of this year's Southern strategy. What would a real Southern strategy be without African-Americans? Maybe the New Black Panther Party? I admit I hadn't even heard of that whole thing until a faithful Fox News watcher informed me. I found it intriguing that no one else had mentioned until I learned the facts and saw the video. Two African-American men standing around a polling place with nightsticks on voting day. Pretty intimidating, yes? As it turns out, not really. The neighborhood the polling place was located in was primarily African-American and the two men are well known in that neighborhood as jackasses. If you watch the video, you see people coming and going into the building and not even giving the two men a second glance. The Department of Justice (President Bush's DOJ at that) found there wasn't enough evidence to pursue a case yet somehow this is President Obama's fault. And then there's the whole Shirley Sherrod debacle, in which conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart allegedly received edited video of Ms. Sherrod addressing the NAACP and admitting to bias against a white farmer she was supposed to help as part of her current post at the USDA. Watching the entire video would've revealed that Ms. Sherrod was referencing an event from 24 years ago when she worked at Rural Development and that in the end, she helped the farmer, became friends with him and his family, and learned a valuable lesson about race relations (which was extremely relevant because, oh yeah, by the way, her father was killed by a white man who was never brought to justice). But rather than do further investigation, like watching the whole tape or interviewing Ms. Sherrod or the farmer, Breitbart gave the edited tape to Fox, who also failed in their journalistic duties to find the truth. Why would they? It confirmed "reverse racism". It didn't matter what the truth was, or that an innocent and principled woman's reputation was drug through the mud. No one questioned the source. (Breitbart, incidentally, is the mastermind behind ACORN's downfall. ACORN did good work and genuinely helped people who had no other advocates, and even though they were cleared of any wrongdoing, they didn't survive Breitbart's slander.) Not long after the Sherrod incident came the news that Charles Rangel and Maxine Waters were under investigation for ethics violations. I am never surprised when a politician is revealed to be unethical, but the first thought I had upon hearing about the charges against Rangel and Waters was "hmmm, and they both happen to be high-ranking black officials". I will suspend judgement until all the facts are out because that is the prudent thing to do, but it seems suspicious given the current political climate.
Last, but definitely not least, is the hysteria around the "Ground Zero mosque". It's not surprising that people are reacting before they get the facts; 9/11 is still a relatively fresh wound on the American psyche. Once you actually get the facts though, it seems like a non-issue. Fact: the "Ground Zero mosque" is not a mosque, but a community center with a mosque inside, which is no different than the 92nd St. Community Center that happens to have a synagogue in it, or any other community center that contains prayer space. Fact: it's not actually at Ground Zero, it's a few blocks away and can't even be seen from Ground Zero. Fact: there is another mosque nearby that has been there for almost 40 years; if they can peacefully co-exist in that location by the other churches and synagogues, why can't the new mosque? Fact: the Imam of the new mosque has close ties to President Bush, has done work with the FBI to assist them in investigations, and has even been sent by the US government (again, under Bush) as a peacekeeping liaison to Muslim communities around the world. Fact: the Imam has already changed the name of the mosque to Park 51 to emphasize the community aspect of it, and there will be an interfaith board of directors. But once again, the facts don't matter, not when American's pain and fear can be exploited for votes.
The xenophobia doesn't end there. Residents of Murfeesboro, TN are trying to block a Muslim community center/mosque from being built. The lieutenant governor of Tennessee ignorantly and maliciously called Islam a "cult". The head of the American Family Association boldly stated that no more mosques should be built in the U.S., period. And now innocent people are starting to get hurt-in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a Muslim man and his mother (who moved here from Iran to escape the violence and terror) were assaulted at a softball game after a player from the other team began yelling derogatory terms like "towel headed terrorist" and "camel jockey" at the man. Then there was the bomb placed in a mosque in Jacksonville, Florida; no one was injured, only because the bomber didn't place the bomb near enough the prayer space. Remind you of anything? Maybe the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing in 1963 that killed four African-American children?
They say terrorists hate us because of our freedoms. They want to destroy our way of life. Well, guess what? It's working. The very cornerstone of our society, religious freedom, is slipping away. Our Constitution guarantees the freedom to worship who we choose, when we choose, however we choose, or not to worship at all, if we choose, NO EXCEPTIONS. Our founders knew all too well the dangers of mixing government and religion. There are revisionists who claim we are a Christian nation. They pick and choose and edit the words of our Founders to fit their agenda, but the truth is our Founders were all radicals. Many of them were Christian, but some were Deists, some atheists, and some agnostic. Government has no place at all in our spiritual lives. Now people who claim to love our country and respect our Constitution want to take that right away from Muslim Americans? Where does it end?
People keep saying Muslims were behind 9/11, and no one is correcting them. Why? How is it fair to blame the actions of a few on an entire religion? That's like holding all Christians responsible for Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church! How about this: Salem, Massachusetts has a large Pagan community. What if they protested new churches on the grounds that Christians murdered thousands of Pagans by burning them at the stake? How do you think that would go over?
I don't recognize this America. We're supposed to be the Great Melting Pot, where people of all ethnic backgrounds and religions live together in harmony. We're supposed to be the Home of the Free, the shining example of individual liberties and human rights. When we stop reading rights to citizens because they're Muslim, the terrorists win. When we extend religious freedom to everyone except Muslims, the terrorists win. Black, white, brown, yellow, red, Christian, Pagan, Hindu, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, atheist, Democrat, Republican-we are ALL Americans. If anyone is "un-American" it's those who would proclaim to love and uphold our Constitution, then try to butcher it because they don't like the people it gives rights to. These are the same people who denounce our President because he said Muslims have the right to build that mosque in Lower Manhattan. Guess what? He's doing his job. He took an oath to uphold the Constitution, no matter what.
America is having an identity crisis, it would seem. I think we need to ask ourselves if this is who want to be. Do we want to deny rights to a fellow citizen because we don't like their religion or their color? Do we want to be us against them? I don't. Think about it carefully: who benefits from a divided nation? While we're busy quarreling amongst ourselves about whether or not all Muslims or terrorists or all illegal immigrants are drug-dealing babymakers who get food stamps unlawfully or African-Americans are all "reverse racists" who hate white people, what do you think is going on? The important discussions-about our economy, our jobs, our rights being infringed upon by people who think the Constitution says church and state have no wall of separation, who want to make the middle and working classes pay for tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans-are not being had. The people in power are distracting us from the important things. They're exploiting our fear and uncertainty. I'm not biting. I will not hate my black neighbors. I will not scapegoat people who come here, legally or not, for a better life. I will not support denying another's right to worship. We need to stand together. We need to find solutions to our problems together. I refuse to take part in the us vs. them paradigm. The crap I see on the news is heartbreaking and outrageous and wrong, just wrong. I want no part of it. What's your decision? Are you proud of it? Is it honorable? I am just one person. You might think I'm stupid, you might disagree with me, you might decide I'm with "them" (whoever that is), you might think my opinion doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't. But my conscience does not allow for silence when I see wrongdoing. So tonight I will sleep well. And hopefully tomorrow will be a different day, with more acceptance and more peace than today. How about you? How will you sleep?
American politics have always been crazy, and this election year is no different. Ridiculous amounts of money are being spent to produce slick advertising campaigns while politicians from the left and the right accuse one another of various wrongdoings and drag each other through the mud. Both sides claim to speak for the American people and to have our best interests at heart yet they don't seem to actually listen to us. What's bothering me now is how the divisiveness and vitriol have been increasing exponentially. Rather than setting an example for constituents, many politicians seem to be stirring the shit because they know it will bring them more votes in November. The worst tactic by far is Lee Atwater's "Southern strategy", in which the subconscious fears of white voters are exploited for political gain (Willie Horton, anyone?). Before he died, Mr. Atwater expressed deep regret over having used this strategy because of the divisiveness and negativity caused by it. But what's done is done, and as long as people harbor fear and prejudice, the Southern strategy will work, again and again.
The first deployment of this tactic this season came with Arizona's SB1070. Yes, illegal immigration is a huge problem. Yes, Mexican drug cartels are ruthless and violent, and should be stopped (though really, have you ever met a drug cartel from any place that wasn't violent?). But is it really as bad as they're saying it is? Governor Brewer alluded to headless bodies being found in the desert, while Senators Kyl and McCain echoed her assertion that Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital of the world. "Illegals" are said to be coming to the US in droves to take advantage of medical benefits and food stamps while they steal our jobs and drop anchor baby after anchor baby. Except they're not. Statistics from the FBI and the Arizona Department of Public Safety show crime in every category decreasing steadily for the last five years. Journalists contacted every department of law enforcement in Arizona that they could find but were unable to substantiate the governor's claim that headless bodies were being found in the Arizona desert on a regular basis (or even just one, really). As for Phoenix being the "number two kidnapping capital of the world", Politifact couldn't find anyone to validate this, though they did speak to a kidnapping expert who stated that kidnapping numbers were highest in Mexico, The Phillippines, Nigeria, Honduras, and Venezuela. And according to the Census Bureau, illegal immigrants tend to have babies after they've been here a few years, with birth rates similar to citizens. As a social worker, I can tell you personally that illegal immigrants do not have access to Medicaid, food stamps, or TANF (formerly AFDC) as Health and Human Services checks citizenship as part of their intake process (indeed, even legal immigrants are often denied benefits if they haven't been here very long, plus US Citizenship and Immigration Services makes their sponsor fill out an affidavit proclaiming financial responsibility for said legal immigrant, including a promise to pay back the government any benefits the immigrant does manage to get). As for jobs, illegal immigrants pretty much take jobs we don't want. Think about it-when was the last time a computer programmer or a nurse lost their job to an "illegal"? Even then, they are lucky if they get paid. If you don't believe me, talk to a volunteer or a member of the clergy who works with Interfaith Worker Justice. It happens all the time.
You would think the facts would be enough to quell the hysteria, but it's not, especially when politicians keep spouting out untruths and rhetoric. I've worked with a lot of illegal immigrants; most of them are just here for work because the situation in their homeland is so desperate. Wouldn't you do whatever it took to feed your kids? I'd like to mention a special subset of this population that hasn't gotten too much mention, and that's women and children who are living in a domestic violence situation. After undergrad, I took a job in a shelter for battered women and children. A lot of our clients were in the U.S. illegally, and not always by choice. There's enough awareness around domestic violence that you probably know that it cuts across all racial and socioeconomic classes. You also probably know that batterers try to separate their victim from her family and friends so that they can better control her. That's exactly what had happened to these women; they had either come here willingly because their partner promised things would be better once they moved somewhere different (another common line heard by batterers), or the women had been brought here against their will. Their batterer then used their illegal status as yet another method of control: "if you call the cops they'll send you back and I'll get the kids" or "if you don't do what I say, I'll report you to immigration". Their batterers would also tell them that the police would arrest them too (and thanks to language barriers and improperly trained law enforcement, that sometimes happened). You can imagine the various ways their status was used to control them, along with the other methods of control and abuse batterers use on their victims. I knew many, many women (both illegal and citizens) who were beaten severely when they were caught using birth control to avoid having children with their batterer (so much for the anchor baby).
I could go on here about the myriad of ways illegal women face exploitation and abuse from their partners and in the workplace, but I think you get the idea. I refuse to include these women and children, or any honest illegal immigrant in the same category as Mexican drug cartels. Yes, we need a solution to illegal immigration, but the answer does not lie in demonizing innocent people who are just trying to make a better life. I know, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone that is here illegally and gets thousands of dollars in food stamps or whatever. I will admit there are always exceptions, but I would also like to invite you to consider that the story you heard about your friend of a friend might be exaggerated of erroneous after going though so many people. I would also invite you to consider that the time and money it takes to legally immigrate (one example would be my husband-he came here on a fiance visa and all in all, it took two years and thousands of dollars to accomplish) are irrelevant when you are starving and desperate. Police have already predicted that SB1070 will make their jobs more difficult, not just because they will be required to do immigration's job, but because any cooperation they may have gotten from illegal immigrants in solving crimes will all but disappear. I know this: the people who will suffer the most are immigrant women and children living in domestic violence. They were already scared to call for help; now they really won't reach out. Their blood is on Governor Brewer's hands, and everyone else who worked to pass SB1070.
"Illegals" aren't the only victims of this year's Southern strategy. What would a real Southern strategy be without African-Americans? Maybe the New Black Panther Party? I admit I hadn't even heard of that whole thing until a faithful Fox News watcher informed me. I found it intriguing that no one else had mentioned until I learned the facts and saw the video. Two African-American men standing around a polling place with nightsticks on voting day. Pretty intimidating, yes? As it turns out, not really. The neighborhood the polling place was located in was primarily African-American and the two men are well known in that neighborhood as jackasses. If you watch the video, you see people coming and going into the building and not even giving the two men a second glance. The Department of Justice (President Bush's DOJ at that) found there wasn't enough evidence to pursue a case yet somehow this is President Obama's fault. And then there's the whole Shirley Sherrod debacle, in which conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart allegedly received edited video of Ms. Sherrod addressing the NAACP and admitting to bias against a white farmer she was supposed to help as part of her current post at the USDA. Watching the entire video would've revealed that Ms. Sherrod was referencing an event from 24 years ago when she worked at Rural Development and that in the end, she helped the farmer, became friends with him and his family, and learned a valuable lesson about race relations (which was extremely relevant because, oh yeah, by the way, her father was killed by a white man who was never brought to justice). But rather than do further investigation, like watching the whole tape or interviewing Ms. Sherrod or the farmer, Breitbart gave the edited tape to Fox, who also failed in their journalistic duties to find the truth. Why would they? It confirmed "reverse racism". It didn't matter what the truth was, or that an innocent and principled woman's reputation was drug through the mud. No one questioned the source. (Breitbart, incidentally, is the mastermind behind ACORN's downfall. ACORN did good work and genuinely helped people who had no other advocates, and even though they were cleared of any wrongdoing, they didn't survive Breitbart's slander.) Not long after the Sherrod incident came the news that Charles Rangel and Maxine Waters were under investigation for ethics violations. I am never surprised when a politician is revealed to be unethical, but the first thought I had upon hearing about the charges against Rangel and Waters was "hmmm, and they both happen to be high-ranking black officials". I will suspend judgement until all the facts are out because that is the prudent thing to do, but it seems suspicious given the current political climate.
Last, but definitely not least, is the hysteria around the "Ground Zero mosque". It's not surprising that people are reacting before they get the facts; 9/11 is still a relatively fresh wound on the American psyche. Once you actually get the facts though, it seems like a non-issue. Fact: the "Ground Zero mosque" is not a mosque, but a community center with a mosque inside, which is no different than the 92nd St. Community Center that happens to have a synagogue in it, or any other community center that contains prayer space. Fact: it's not actually at Ground Zero, it's a few blocks away and can't even be seen from Ground Zero. Fact: there is another mosque nearby that has been there for almost 40 years; if they can peacefully co-exist in that location by the other churches and synagogues, why can't the new mosque? Fact: the Imam of the new mosque has close ties to President Bush, has done work with the FBI to assist them in investigations, and has even been sent by the US government (again, under Bush) as a peacekeeping liaison to Muslim communities around the world. Fact: the Imam has already changed the name of the mosque to Park 51 to emphasize the community aspect of it, and there will be an interfaith board of directors. But once again, the facts don't matter, not when American's pain and fear can be exploited for votes.
The xenophobia doesn't end there. Residents of Murfeesboro, TN are trying to block a Muslim community center/mosque from being built. The lieutenant governor of Tennessee ignorantly and maliciously called Islam a "cult". The head of the American Family Association boldly stated that no more mosques should be built in the U.S., period. And now innocent people are starting to get hurt-in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a Muslim man and his mother (who moved here from Iran to escape the violence and terror) were assaulted at a softball game after a player from the other team began yelling derogatory terms like "towel headed terrorist" and "camel jockey" at the man. Then there was the bomb placed in a mosque in Jacksonville, Florida; no one was injured, only because the bomber didn't place the bomb near enough the prayer space. Remind you of anything? Maybe the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing in 1963 that killed four African-American children?
They say terrorists hate us because of our freedoms. They want to destroy our way of life. Well, guess what? It's working. The very cornerstone of our society, religious freedom, is slipping away. Our Constitution guarantees the freedom to worship who we choose, when we choose, however we choose, or not to worship at all, if we choose, NO EXCEPTIONS. Our founders knew all too well the dangers of mixing government and religion. There are revisionists who claim we are a Christian nation. They pick and choose and edit the words of our Founders to fit their agenda, but the truth is our Founders were all radicals. Many of them were Christian, but some were Deists, some atheists, and some agnostic. Government has no place at all in our spiritual lives. Now people who claim to love our country and respect our Constitution want to take that right away from Muslim Americans? Where does it end?
People keep saying Muslims were behind 9/11, and no one is correcting them. Why? How is it fair to blame the actions of a few on an entire religion? That's like holding all Christians responsible for Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church! How about this: Salem, Massachusetts has a large Pagan community. What if they protested new churches on the grounds that Christians murdered thousands of Pagans by burning them at the stake? How do you think that would go over?
I don't recognize this America. We're supposed to be the Great Melting Pot, where people of all ethnic backgrounds and religions live together in harmony. We're supposed to be the Home of the Free, the shining example of individual liberties and human rights. When we stop reading rights to citizens because they're Muslim, the terrorists win. When we extend religious freedom to everyone except Muslims, the terrorists win. Black, white, brown, yellow, red, Christian, Pagan, Hindu, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, atheist, Democrat, Republican-we are ALL Americans. If anyone is "un-American" it's those who would proclaim to love and uphold our Constitution, then try to butcher it because they don't like the people it gives rights to. These are the same people who denounce our President because he said Muslims have the right to build that mosque in Lower Manhattan. Guess what? He's doing his job. He took an oath to uphold the Constitution, no matter what.
America is having an identity crisis, it would seem. I think we need to ask ourselves if this is who want to be. Do we want to deny rights to a fellow citizen because we don't like their religion or their color? Do we want to be us against them? I don't. Think about it carefully: who benefits from a divided nation? While we're busy quarreling amongst ourselves about whether or not all Muslims or terrorists or all illegal immigrants are drug-dealing babymakers who get food stamps unlawfully or African-Americans are all "reverse racists" who hate white people, what do you think is going on? The important discussions-about our economy, our jobs, our rights being infringed upon by people who think the Constitution says church and state have no wall of separation, who want to make the middle and working classes pay for tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans-are not being had. The people in power are distracting us from the important things. They're exploiting our fear and uncertainty. I'm not biting. I will not hate my black neighbors. I will not scapegoat people who come here, legally or not, for a better life. I will not support denying another's right to worship. We need to stand together. We need to find solutions to our problems together. I refuse to take part in the us vs. them paradigm. The crap I see on the news is heartbreaking and outrageous and wrong, just wrong. I want no part of it. What's your decision? Are you proud of it? Is it honorable? I am just one person. You might think I'm stupid, you might disagree with me, you might decide I'm with "them" (whoever that is), you might think my opinion doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't. But my conscience does not allow for silence when I see wrongdoing. So tonight I will sleep well. And hopefully tomorrow will be a different day, with more acceptance and more peace than today. How about you? How will you sleep?
Friday, August 6, 2010
Love is the Law
Long time, no see! I've been having yet another AS flare, plus I had some family visiting. As some of you know, I am a bit of a news junkie, so I have been glued to the TV/internet, watching in disbelief what we call a political system. Most of what I have seen has left me completely gobsmacked (in a bad way), and I will likely comment on some of that later, but for now, I want to concentrate on the positive.
A FEDERAL JUDGE HAS DECLARED PROPOSITION 8 TO BE UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!! YES!!!
I know, I know, Judge Walker's ruling is far from the last word on the subject, but it's a gigantic step in the right direction, and it's long overdue. The U.S. is pretty much one of the last "developed" nations with legal prohibitions on same-sex marriage. We should've been one of the first to get rid of such antiquated and bigoted laws. The right to marry freely is a basic human right, and we should've set the example for others by extending this right to everyone. But for a country that prides itself on freedom and equal treatment, we are often the last to grant it. Brown v. Board of Education, anyone? Loving v. Virginia?
There is small but vociferous segment of our population that maintains marriage is strictly between one man and one woman. Why? Because the Bible says so. God says so. It's unnatural for people of the same sex to marry. Children raised by a mother and a father are mentally healthier than other kids. Because that's how it should be. Just because it is. Just because.
You know what I say? Bullshit! Homosexuality is common all across the animal kingdom. It's as natural as breathing. Children raised by gays and lesbians are no different from other kids. I learned a long time ago to be wary of people who claim God talks to them and wants them to take certain actions, because those actions always seem to support exactly what the supposed prophet wants. These same people also like to quote the Bible as support for their prejudices. They forget that not everyone is Christian. They forget that our country was founded on the separation of church and state. Some of them even pick and choose and ultimately twist the words of our Founding Fathers to support their assertions that the US is a "Christian nation", just like they pick and choose the parts of the Bible they like and ignore the ones they don't like. The passage most often quoted as Biblical evidence that homosexuality is wrong is from Leviticus, which also states that shellfish are an abomination. I don't see any evangelicals giving up shrimp or picketing seafood restaurants for serving abomination on their blue plate specials, do you? The Old Testament also proclaims that rapists should take their victims as wives and pay the victim's father in silver, but that (thankfully) failed to make it into our legal system. Let's also not forget that the Bible has been used to justify the torture and murder of millions of innocents who were found to be "non-believers" and/or witches (and the passage responsible for that was mistranslated; it really says "thou shalt not suffer a poisoner to live", not "witch", as well poisoning was a serious crime in those times)...the oppression and mistreatment of women that continues to this day...slavery, lynching, apartheid, and laws forbidding interracial marriage as late as 1967...child abuse...homophobia.
I want to be very clear that I am not denouncing Christianity or its followers in any way. I think spirituality is an important component of self-actualization, and most of us form a moral compass around it. But you don't have to be Christian to be spiritual. There are other paths to happiness and enlightenment, and they are all equally valid. What I am denouncing is a small group of people who claim to be following Christ. I don't think you can follow Christ with hatred in your heart, and when someone takes the time to do what it took to pass Proposition 8, there is hatred in their heart. Think about the money spent on the advertising...the time it took to make signs and protest...the effort of getting up and going to the polling places and casting a vote against fellow humans. That's hatred, and I don't understand where it comes from. Christianity says that all you have to do to be saved is let Jesus into your heart and acknowledge him as your Savior. So why take the time to deny an entire group their basic human rights in the name of your god? Do you honestly think when you get to Heaven that your god is going to say "I see you didn't take the time to stop any gay people from being happy. Sorry, you're going downstairs."? No? Then why? How is same-sex marriage hurting you? It's not as if there are only so many civil rights to go around; giving gays and lesbians the right to marry isn't going to somehow take away our right to marry. It doesn't somehow negate the institution of marriage. If anything, marriage in its most traditional form where the woman is the property of her man and must "submit" to him is profane.
Gays and lesbians only want what we all want: happiness. Love. Contentment. Who are you to deny that? We all deserve love, every single one of us. Love tames the wildest beast, and makes the timid wild. It opens our hearts and our eyes. It is both tender and ferocious, and even when it makes no sense whatsoever, it brings a wonderful clarity. I look at my beloved and I see the best version of myself reflected back from his eyes. I want everybody to have that! We are constantly asking why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing, and what we're supposed to learn. I'll tell you: love. Love is the lesson. We are here to learn love. The people who put together Proposition 8 are failing the lesson. The people who march around carrying signs with horrific, homophobic hate speech are failing the lesson. The people appealing Judge Walker's decision are failing the lesson. I suspect these people have never really been loved; they may not know how to really love themselves. I know what you're thinking-that I make snide comments, I get angry, and I am often grumpy. You would be right. But underneath it all, I do love. I love my husband and children, my family, my friends, my neighbors (except for the leafblower guy *wink wink*), all of humanity, even you. And when Prop 8 is a distant memory, and our gay brothers and lesbian sisters have the same civil rights we do, love will have triumphed. For the sake of my loved ones who are LGBT, for the sake of our Constitution and the freedoms it guarantees us all as Americans, for all of us...I hope that day is finally here. Love and justice for all of us. It's the only way.
A FEDERAL JUDGE HAS DECLARED PROPOSITION 8 TO BE UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!! YES!!!
I know, I know, Judge Walker's ruling is far from the last word on the subject, but it's a gigantic step in the right direction, and it's long overdue. The U.S. is pretty much one of the last "developed" nations with legal prohibitions on same-sex marriage. We should've been one of the first to get rid of such antiquated and bigoted laws. The right to marry freely is a basic human right, and we should've set the example for others by extending this right to everyone. But for a country that prides itself on freedom and equal treatment, we are often the last to grant it. Brown v. Board of Education, anyone? Loving v. Virginia?
There is small but vociferous segment of our population that maintains marriage is strictly between one man and one woman. Why? Because the Bible says so. God says so. It's unnatural for people of the same sex to marry. Children raised by a mother and a father are mentally healthier than other kids. Because that's how it should be. Just because it is. Just because.
You know what I say? Bullshit! Homosexuality is common all across the animal kingdom. It's as natural as breathing. Children raised by gays and lesbians are no different from other kids. I learned a long time ago to be wary of people who claim God talks to them and wants them to take certain actions, because those actions always seem to support exactly what the supposed prophet wants. These same people also like to quote the Bible as support for their prejudices. They forget that not everyone is Christian. They forget that our country was founded on the separation of church and state. Some of them even pick and choose and ultimately twist the words of our Founding Fathers to support their assertions that the US is a "Christian nation", just like they pick and choose the parts of the Bible they like and ignore the ones they don't like. The passage most often quoted as Biblical evidence that homosexuality is wrong is from Leviticus, which also states that shellfish are an abomination. I don't see any evangelicals giving up shrimp or picketing seafood restaurants for serving abomination on their blue plate specials, do you? The Old Testament also proclaims that rapists should take their victims as wives and pay the victim's father in silver, but that (thankfully) failed to make it into our legal system. Let's also not forget that the Bible has been used to justify the torture and murder of millions of innocents who were found to be "non-believers" and/or witches (and the passage responsible for that was mistranslated; it really says "thou shalt not suffer a poisoner to live", not "witch", as well poisoning was a serious crime in those times)...the oppression and mistreatment of women that continues to this day...slavery, lynching, apartheid, and laws forbidding interracial marriage as late as 1967...child abuse...homophobia.
I want to be very clear that I am not denouncing Christianity or its followers in any way. I think spirituality is an important component of self-actualization, and most of us form a moral compass around it. But you don't have to be Christian to be spiritual. There are other paths to happiness and enlightenment, and they are all equally valid. What I am denouncing is a small group of people who claim to be following Christ. I don't think you can follow Christ with hatred in your heart, and when someone takes the time to do what it took to pass Proposition 8, there is hatred in their heart. Think about the money spent on the advertising...the time it took to make signs and protest...the effort of getting up and going to the polling places and casting a vote against fellow humans. That's hatred, and I don't understand where it comes from. Christianity says that all you have to do to be saved is let Jesus into your heart and acknowledge him as your Savior. So why take the time to deny an entire group their basic human rights in the name of your god? Do you honestly think when you get to Heaven that your god is going to say "I see you didn't take the time to stop any gay people from being happy. Sorry, you're going downstairs."? No? Then why? How is same-sex marriage hurting you? It's not as if there are only so many civil rights to go around; giving gays and lesbians the right to marry isn't going to somehow take away our right to marry. It doesn't somehow negate the institution of marriage. If anything, marriage in its most traditional form where the woman is the property of her man and must "submit" to him is profane.
Gays and lesbians only want what we all want: happiness. Love. Contentment. Who are you to deny that? We all deserve love, every single one of us. Love tames the wildest beast, and makes the timid wild. It opens our hearts and our eyes. It is both tender and ferocious, and even when it makes no sense whatsoever, it brings a wonderful clarity. I look at my beloved and I see the best version of myself reflected back from his eyes. I want everybody to have that! We are constantly asking why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing, and what we're supposed to learn. I'll tell you: love. Love is the lesson. We are here to learn love. The people who put together Proposition 8 are failing the lesson. The people who march around carrying signs with horrific, homophobic hate speech are failing the lesson. The people appealing Judge Walker's decision are failing the lesson. I suspect these people have never really been loved; they may not know how to really love themselves. I know what you're thinking-that I make snide comments, I get angry, and I am often grumpy. You would be right. But underneath it all, I do love. I love my husband and children, my family, my friends, my neighbors (except for the leafblower guy *wink wink*), all of humanity, even you. And when Prop 8 is a distant memory, and our gay brothers and lesbian sisters have the same civil rights we do, love will have triumphed. For the sake of my loved ones who are LGBT, for the sake of our Constitution and the freedoms it guarantees us all as Americans, for all of us...I hope that day is finally here. Love and justice for all of us. It's the only way.
Friday, July 16, 2010
An Open Letter to Republican Senators and Ben Nelson
Dear Sirs and Madams:
I just wanted to take the time to thank you for helping me make a profound change in my life. See, I have been unemployed since January, when I was let go about a month after I disclosed to my employer that I had a disability. I immediately applied for unemployment insurance and within a few short weeks, I had my first check. It was only for one week, but lucky for us, my husband was also drawing unemployment since he had been laid off in April of 2009.
When that second check came with 3 weeks of payment, I must confess I went a little wild and spent nearly all of it on COBRA. I am ashamed to say this, but Orrin Hatch was right about us unemployed spending our checks on drugs. Every two weeks, I shot myself up with Humira for arthritis. In addition to being a Humira junkie, I was also addicted to other pills. No one told ever told me just how addictive blood pressure pills are! Thyroid pills too. Now that I no longer have unemployment money and the COBRA subsidies are going away, I can proudly say I kicked the habit of those nasty medications. Should I die of a heart attack or stroke, I will die with the satisfaction of knowing that my body was free of any sort of substance. And that's thanks to you!
Another area I have made some changes in since my unemployment benefits ran out is nutrition. Now that we have no money for grocery shopping, we won't be eating so much. Finally, the chance to attain the sleek and slender frame of my dreams! My three year old has been looking pretty chunky too so this not eating thing should be just great for him as well!
Now here is where I need some guidance: which utility should I stop paying first? Maybe our gas bill? I mean, it is summer and all, and who needs warm showers? A cold shower builds character! Maybe we should stop paying our water bill too. Indoor toilets are way overrated. My grandparents had an outhouse and if it was good enough for them, it's good enough for us. Plus the shrubs in our front yard have been looking a little sparse, so the extra fertilization should perk them right up! Our electric bills are getting pretty high now (almost $400 this month) so I guess we ought to think about letting that go also.
One thing I know for sure we'll continue to purchase is gas for our truck. Spending money on that gas gives us a chance to support Big Oil, and I wouldn't miss out on that for anything! They deserve their billion dollar profits, especially BP. They made about 5 billion this quarter and they sure need that money to clean up the oil spill in the Gulf! Haley Barbour was right when he said they had the most to lose; if people like me don't buy their gas, then the execs have no bonuses to look forward to and that's not right. They need their bonuses and tax cuts. Senator Kyl was right on the money when he said that those tax cuts for the wealthy don't have to be paid for which is why you guys are blocking unemployment benefits. The wealthy obviously deserve money more than we working people do; they wouldn't be rich if they hadn't worked so much harder than us! People like Paris Hilton toil away for hours on things like photo shoots in Tahiti and that's backbreaking work!
You will also be happy to hear that I took Andre Bauer's advice to heart and got an IUD when I still had insurance. Remember how he compared poor people to strays and said all they do is procreate anyway? Well, this stray won't be procreating anymore! I am honestly surprised that my husband wants anything to do with me anyway. He's working now (it only took 15 months to find a job) and I just don't know how he tolerates my freeloading butt! I really have been spoiled, just like Sharron Angle said. That reminds me, I have a question: if she wants a million people to send her $25, isn't that also freeloading? Shouldn't she go and get a job and make that money herself? Silly me, I get so confused. Must be from trying to figure out how statistics show 5 applicants for every job but you guys keep saying the jobs are there. If you're talking about jobs in fast food, etc., you are correct. They won't hire me though. They say having a degree makes me overqualified and then they go and hire some teenager. Maybe we should eliminate teenagers!
All in all, you guys really are lifechangers. Mitch McConnel was right when he said you got your groove back. I know I, for one, am not only grateful to you for helping me get off my duff (I was only spending a couple of hours a day looking for work instead of all day, every day), I am grateful that you know what the important stuff really is. Why here in my home state of Texas, where 30,000 people a week are losing UI benefits, the GOP has chosen to focus on re-criminalizing sodomy so being gay is against the law. Yeehaw Texas and God bless the USA!
I just wanted to take the time to thank you for helping me make a profound change in my life. See, I have been unemployed since January, when I was let go about a month after I disclosed to my employer that I had a disability. I immediately applied for unemployment insurance and within a few short weeks, I had my first check. It was only for one week, but lucky for us, my husband was also drawing unemployment since he had been laid off in April of 2009.
When that second check came with 3 weeks of payment, I must confess I went a little wild and spent nearly all of it on COBRA. I am ashamed to say this, but Orrin Hatch was right about us unemployed spending our checks on drugs. Every two weeks, I shot myself up with Humira for arthritis. In addition to being a Humira junkie, I was also addicted to other pills. No one told ever told me just how addictive blood pressure pills are! Thyroid pills too. Now that I no longer have unemployment money and the COBRA subsidies are going away, I can proudly say I kicked the habit of those nasty medications. Should I die of a heart attack or stroke, I will die with the satisfaction of knowing that my body was free of any sort of substance. And that's thanks to you!
Another area I have made some changes in since my unemployment benefits ran out is nutrition. Now that we have no money for grocery shopping, we won't be eating so much. Finally, the chance to attain the sleek and slender frame of my dreams! My three year old has been looking pretty chunky too so this not eating thing should be just great for him as well!
Now here is where I need some guidance: which utility should I stop paying first? Maybe our gas bill? I mean, it is summer and all, and who needs warm showers? A cold shower builds character! Maybe we should stop paying our water bill too. Indoor toilets are way overrated. My grandparents had an outhouse and if it was good enough for them, it's good enough for us. Plus the shrubs in our front yard have been looking a little sparse, so the extra fertilization should perk them right up! Our electric bills are getting pretty high now (almost $400 this month) so I guess we ought to think about letting that go also.
One thing I know for sure we'll continue to purchase is gas for our truck. Spending money on that gas gives us a chance to support Big Oil, and I wouldn't miss out on that for anything! They deserve their billion dollar profits, especially BP. They made about 5 billion this quarter and they sure need that money to clean up the oil spill in the Gulf! Haley Barbour was right when he said they had the most to lose; if people like me don't buy their gas, then the execs have no bonuses to look forward to and that's not right. They need their bonuses and tax cuts. Senator Kyl was right on the money when he said that those tax cuts for the wealthy don't have to be paid for which is why you guys are blocking unemployment benefits. The wealthy obviously deserve money more than we working people do; they wouldn't be rich if they hadn't worked so much harder than us! People like Paris Hilton toil away for hours on things like photo shoots in Tahiti and that's backbreaking work!
You will also be happy to hear that I took Andre Bauer's advice to heart and got an IUD when I still had insurance. Remember how he compared poor people to strays and said all they do is procreate anyway? Well, this stray won't be procreating anymore! I am honestly surprised that my husband wants anything to do with me anyway. He's working now (it only took 15 months to find a job) and I just don't know how he tolerates my freeloading butt! I really have been spoiled, just like Sharron Angle said. That reminds me, I have a question: if she wants a million people to send her $25, isn't that also freeloading? Shouldn't she go and get a job and make that money herself? Silly me, I get so confused. Must be from trying to figure out how statistics show 5 applicants for every job but you guys keep saying the jobs are there. If you're talking about jobs in fast food, etc., you are correct. They won't hire me though. They say having a degree makes me overqualified and then they go and hire some teenager. Maybe we should eliminate teenagers!
All in all, you guys really are lifechangers. Mitch McConnel was right when he said you got your groove back. I know I, for one, am not only grateful to you for helping me get off my duff (I was only spending a couple of hours a day looking for work instead of all day, every day), I am grateful that you know what the important stuff really is. Why here in my home state of Texas, where 30,000 people a week are losing UI benefits, the GOP has chosen to focus on re-criminalizing sodomy so being gay is against the law. Yeehaw Texas and God bless the USA!
Friday, July 2, 2010
A new catchphrase for the pundits...
In my first entry of this blog, I contemplated posting transcripts of the conversations had by me and my husband while watching TV. I now present you with the first installment:
*watching "The Daily Show" off the DVR, we hear Glenn Beck rail against soccer being "rammed down our throats"*
Me: Good grief! Everything is always being 'rammed, jammed, or crammed down their throats'! Can the pundits on the right not think of another phrase to express their displeasure at everything?
JD: How about 'rammed, crammed, or jammed up their ass'?
Me: Perfect.
P.S. My mother wants each and every one of you to know that she did not raise me to use or appreciate coarse language of any sort. I just turned out that way. End of disclaimer.
*watching "The Daily Show" off the DVR, we hear Glenn Beck rail against soccer being "rammed down our throats"*
Me: Good grief! Everything is always being 'rammed, jammed, or crammed down their throats'! Can the pundits on the right not think of another phrase to express their displeasure at everything?
JD: How about 'rammed, crammed, or jammed up their ass'?
Me: Perfect.
P.S. My mother wants each and every one of you to know that she did not raise me to use or appreciate coarse language of any sort. I just turned out that way. End of disclaimer.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A small break
Hello all. I'm taking a short break. Killian is sick and I am too angry with our Senate and their lack of a conscience to be good company. On the good news front, Danny got a job, and I'd probably be more excited about it if it covered my lack of unemployment benefits. I also spoke with my sister, who doesn't need a kidney (though if any of you do, let me know and I will gladly give you a kidney for a small price), and is a lovely person with whom I have lots in common. I am glad she found me.
See y'all soon.
See y'all soon.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Ghosts of Christmas past haunt me in June...
"Do not pursue the past.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Looking deeply at life as it is
in the very here and now,
the practitioner dwells
in stability and freedom."
The above quote is attributed to Buddha. I try very hard to follow it and live in the now. Trouble is, yesterday keeps finding me. And for the most part, that's been good. Over the past year, I have reconnected with some very important people from my past. My BFF from middle school onwards, a lot of great friends from high school, even my middle school crush. What I found was that I still got along with these people just like I did back in the day, even finding my old crush still worthy of swoon (seriously, he should be glad I am happily married or I might've flown to New York and thrown myself in his path, just like I used to "accidentally" be by his locker after fourth period every day in the seventh grade). I have found several old photos and mementos I thought long gone. Some of them I held onto, others I had to let go, for in addition to the constant revisiting of old memories and friends, I have been on a quest to clear the clutter from my life.
It seems like the Universe is trying to tell me something. Every time I turn around, I am running into old friends or seeing signs to clear clutter. For example, I'll turn on the TV only to see a special on clutter coming up, or I'll get an email from my book club, and the featured book will happen to be about clutter and how to get rid of it. I am a big believer in synchronicity. I take these signs seriously, and I have been systematically cleaning and clearing, both materially and spiritually/emotionally. I do this because I realize now that if I don't, I won't have room for anything new.
Imagine my surprise, then, when I heard from my cousin Kerri that my sister wanted to contact me. I've never met my sister, but when I was a little girl, I wanted to meet her more than anything in the world. I wanted someone to borrow clothes from, someone to play dolls with, or produce interesting nail polish experiments with. For the most part, my friends filled this role, but most of them had their own sisters and I knew that our relationship was still different than the one they had with their sisters. For all practical purposes, I was an only child. My brother is 12 years older than me, and he was always more of a dad to me than anything. All the things that dads are supposed to do, my brother did. He taught me to ride a bike, how to drive, and he gave me away at my first wedding. I still call on him for advice on car repairs and such. But he never would assist me in the nail polish experiments.
Where was my dad, you ask? Drunk. We pretty much only saw him when he wanted to take his frustrations out on someone. And that's why I never met my sister. About ten years before my mom and dad met and mated, my father was married and had a daughter. But after dealing with Dad's drinking and abuse for so long, his first wife took their daughter and left. Dad never knew exactly where they were, which was smart on his first wife's part, because Dad was not above stalking to terrify someone. Eventually she remarried and her new husband adopted my sister. All I really knew about her was her name and birthday. Every so often, Dad would call one of his first wife's relatives and put me on the phone to beg for information. That finally stopped when I was around nine years old and refused to do it anymore, both for my sake and my phantom sister's sake. She didn't want to be found and I didn't blame her. I would've felt the same way. I hadn't thought about this in years; I guess you could say I relegated it to the clutter pile.
So now I finally have the chance to have a sister. But do I want one? The crass cynic in me wonders why now? Does she need a kidney? What if I don't like her? What if she's really horrible? What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm horrible?
I told Kerri I would call her because I needed to chew on this a bit. But I procrastinated (one of my worst personal flaws, hands down) and didn't call (sorry, Kerri!). Then yesterday I received two emails back to back from Facebook: a message from my brother asking if we could meet him for dinner because he was in town for business, and a second, a friend request from someone with my sister's name. I accepted the dinner invitation, and then went to see what I could see on my sister's profile. There wasn't much info there; it looked like she just opened an account with Facebook. So now I know her name, her birthday, and where she went to school.
I discussed it with my brother (who, for the confused, shares a mother but not a father with me, so my sister is not his sister) at dinner. He said, "it's better to regret contacting her than it is to regret NOT contacting her." As usual, he is right. So after posting this, I will accept the friend invitation. And hopefully, this will be a part of the past I am glad to bring into the future.
Do not lose yourself in the future.
The past no longer is.
The future has not yet come.
Looking deeply at life as it is
in the very here and now,
the practitioner dwells
in stability and freedom."
The above quote is attributed to Buddha. I try very hard to follow it and live in the now. Trouble is, yesterday keeps finding me. And for the most part, that's been good. Over the past year, I have reconnected with some very important people from my past. My BFF from middle school onwards, a lot of great friends from high school, even my middle school crush. What I found was that I still got along with these people just like I did back in the day, even finding my old crush still worthy of swoon (seriously, he should be glad I am happily married or I might've flown to New York and thrown myself in his path, just like I used to "accidentally" be by his locker after fourth period every day in the seventh grade). I have found several old photos and mementos I thought long gone. Some of them I held onto, others I had to let go, for in addition to the constant revisiting of old memories and friends, I have been on a quest to clear the clutter from my life.
It seems like the Universe is trying to tell me something. Every time I turn around, I am running into old friends or seeing signs to clear clutter. For example, I'll turn on the TV only to see a special on clutter coming up, or I'll get an email from my book club, and the featured book will happen to be about clutter and how to get rid of it. I am a big believer in synchronicity. I take these signs seriously, and I have been systematically cleaning and clearing, both materially and spiritually/emotionally. I do this because I realize now that if I don't, I won't have room for anything new.
Imagine my surprise, then, when I heard from my cousin Kerri that my sister wanted to contact me. I've never met my sister, but when I was a little girl, I wanted to meet her more than anything in the world. I wanted someone to borrow clothes from, someone to play dolls with, or produce interesting nail polish experiments with. For the most part, my friends filled this role, but most of them had their own sisters and I knew that our relationship was still different than the one they had with their sisters. For all practical purposes, I was an only child. My brother is 12 years older than me, and he was always more of a dad to me than anything. All the things that dads are supposed to do, my brother did. He taught me to ride a bike, how to drive, and he gave me away at my first wedding. I still call on him for advice on car repairs and such. But he never would assist me in the nail polish experiments.
Where was my dad, you ask? Drunk. We pretty much only saw him when he wanted to take his frustrations out on someone. And that's why I never met my sister. About ten years before my mom and dad met and mated, my father was married and had a daughter. But after dealing with Dad's drinking and abuse for so long, his first wife took their daughter and left. Dad never knew exactly where they were, which was smart on his first wife's part, because Dad was not above stalking to terrify someone. Eventually she remarried and her new husband adopted my sister. All I really knew about her was her name and birthday. Every so often, Dad would call one of his first wife's relatives and put me on the phone to beg for information. That finally stopped when I was around nine years old and refused to do it anymore, both for my sake and my phantom sister's sake. She didn't want to be found and I didn't blame her. I would've felt the same way. I hadn't thought about this in years; I guess you could say I relegated it to the clutter pile.
So now I finally have the chance to have a sister. But do I want one? The crass cynic in me wonders why now? Does she need a kidney? What if I don't like her? What if she's really horrible? What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm horrible?
I told Kerri I would call her because I needed to chew on this a bit. But I procrastinated (one of my worst personal flaws, hands down) and didn't call (sorry, Kerri!). Then yesterday I received two emails back to back from Facebook: a message from my brother asking if we could meet him for dinner because he was in town for business, and a second, a friend request from someone with my sister's name. I accepted the dinner invitation, and then went to see what I could see on my sister's profile. There wasn't much info there; it looked like she just opened an account with Facebook. So now I know her name, her birthday, and where she went to school.
I discussed it with my brother (who, for the confused, shares a mother but not a father with me, so my sister is not his sister) at dinner. He said, "it's better to regret contacting her than it is to regret NOT contacting her." As usual, he is right. So after posting this, I will accept the friend invitation. And hopefully, this will be a part of the past I am glad to bring into the future.
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